mtchu
The "Before" years
Posts: 0
|
mtchu
Sept 1, 2016 3:04:52 GMT -6
Post by mtchu on Sept 1, 2016 3:04:52 GMT -6
Name:mtchu
Class:Wyvern Rider Age:24 Born in:sacae Appearance:dark blue eyes black hair
Personality:hate's sacae want's to kill ereone on the sacea plains
Story:born on the sacae plain's with his mother his fother died befiore he was born and he set out to find his dad's muderers 2 year's have passed sinch he wnet out but then he found one of the remanig dragon injured from an arrowe shot in the wing the dragon was dyeing mtchu had to act fast so he decadid to give the dragon some medacal supplys 2 year's he is now 22 the dragon did not leve after he was healed he stayed and followed him so he namend the dragon dark strider and to he's suppris dark stirader le him raied him 2 year's later he went back to sacae but they exiled him frome ever returnig beacause of dark strider who konws waht awits for us rigit dark strider
|
|
Selibas
Hero
The Little Wolf
My Word is Iron.
Posts: 455
Etruria Fame: -1
Bern Fame: 4
Illia Fame: -3
Profession: Khan
Guild: Tribe of Sacae
Affinity: Ice
OoC Alias: Selibas
|
mtchu
Sept 1, 2016 9:04:39 GMT -6
Post by Selibas on Sept 1, 2016 9:04:39 GMT -6
Howdy partner. I'm not a mod, but I thought I would offer you a bit of friendly advice.
First off: The personality is a bit sparse, you might want to add more than his self hating dreams of genocide. Is he a happy go lucky guy? Is he over dramatic and moody? Does he like stormy weather? What's his sense of humor like? That kind of stuff.
Secondly: Overall his backstory could use more description, and you should add things like how he learned enough about medicine to treat something that wasn't human.
Thirdly: And this is the big'un, you can't be a wyvern rider riding a dragon. Dragons are incredibly rare, and to play one, let alone use one as an NPC is something that requires approval from and working with the mods. So that should be a simple fix, you can just change the use of dragon to Wyvern, it would clear up confusion if that's what you intended, or make his classing more acceptable.
If you have any other questions, just let me know!
|
|
|
mtchu
Sept 28, 2016 16:15:26 GMT -6
Post by Donovan on Sept 28, 2016 16:15:26 GMT -6
What Selibas said is all pretty much what needs to change!
|
|