soul
The "Before" years
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soul
Apr 9, 2015 14:01:44 GMT -6
Post by soul on Apr 9, 2015 14:01:44 GMT -6
Name: soul
Class: pupil Age:15 Born in: Lycia Appearance: he is a teen with midnight black spiky hair from his dad and his crimson red eyes from his mother, a blue cape and navy green t-shirt with a gold tint Affinity: dark (august)
Personality: he is shy around people he doesn't know but when he worms up the them he is really nice and happy person he will defend his friend and risk his life for who he care for
Story: soul never knew his mother and father his mother died at birth her last words where child is a free soul tight bond that never can be broken because of souls overwhelming magic powers his dad was scared and called him a monster and left him at the orphanage, after he went to the orphanage he met a happy-go-lucky cheerful girl called Celia pengerdar who accepted him for who he was the over kids treat him like an out cast he loved reading at the orphanage but he wanted to know more, a priestess and her husband adopted soul because of the priestess he managed to control his powers. his adopted dad was stuck by an illness soul was desisted he never left his side after a while he died, soul wanted to go on an adventure to get over his heartbreak and to grow stronger
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Edward Zobek
Sage
Posts: 46
Profession: Viscount of Ligure
Affiliation: Knights Radiant
Affinity: Light
Profile: Edward Zobek
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soul
Apr 10, 2015 14:54:01 GMT -6
Post by Edward Zobek on Apr 10, 2015 14:54:01 GMT -6
The content itself isn't bad, though a bit simple, but your grammar, syntax, capitilization, and punctuation all need work. Try and clean it up a bit.
Also, Soul isn't really a name, so you're gonna have to give some justification on why whoever named him named him that.
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soul
The "Before" years
Posts: 0
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soul
Apr 11, 2015 12:39:37 GMT -6
Post by soul on Apr 11, 2015 12:39:37 GMT -6
thanks for the advice
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soul
The "Before" years
Posts: 0
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soul
Apr 13, 2015 14:18:57 GMT -6
Post by soul on Apr 13, 2015 14:18:57 GMT -6
could you look again I've changed it a bit
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Edward Zobek
Sage
Posts: 46
Profession: Viscount of Ligure
Affiliation: Knights Radiant
Affinity: Light
Profile: Edward Zobek
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soul
Apr 13, 2015 15:21:41 GMT -6
Post by Edward Zobek on Apr 13, 2015 15:21:41 GMT -6
Now I'm having trouble understanding it. Again, please work on your punctuation and grammar. Were his mother's last words "child is a free soul tight bond that never can be broken"? What does that mean?
And what do you mean by "overwhelming magic powers"? How does an infant have "overwhelming magic powers"? Was he summoning up storms and lighting things on fire? As a mod, that's a a red flag. We try to shy away from "I have super powers just because" type characters on this board. Magic is a learned trait, so while it's ok for Soul to have a strong affinity to magic spirits, "overwhelming magic powers" is a bit of a stretch.
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