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Rodey
Aug 5, 2015 22:06:30 GMT -6
Post by mythrilknight on Aug 5, 2015 22:06:30 GMT -6
Name:Rodey
Class:Hunter Age:14 Born in:Laus Appearance:Has short orange heir,A leather vest on with a green t-shirt.
Personality:is best described as a cheery and optimistic person, treating most, if not all, of his companions as a friend at the cost of formalities
Story:grew up in a small village trying to be his father "Jack" but at the age at 11 when training he father got kill by mercenary's and his mother too so he off for revenge to kill the man/woman who send the mercenary's.
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Rodey
Aug 5, 2015 22:22:39 GMT -6
Post by Nayru Al-Saiduq on Aug 5, 2015 22:22:39 GMT -6
Got a decent start here, but could use a bit more work to turn it into something special. - Proofreading, yo. "He father got kill"->"his father was killed," "mercenary's"->"mercenaries," etc.
- It's not a bad setup, but VERY bare bones. We're not a hardcore advanced 1500 words a post RP, but we do try to hold people to 250+ words a post for example, and in profiles we like to see a decent setup for the character. You do an interesting job of compressing the character down to a very short description, but I'd recommend going in the other direction - tell us more about him. Each section could be expanded significantly.
[li]Appearance; how does he move? Is he often smiling? Does he move a bit jittery or smoothly or precisely? How tall is he? Is he pretty fit for his age? Does he have any defined muscles? - How about personality? How does he react to situations? What might make him treat someone as other than a friend? Does he have a strong moral code? How does his cheery optimism gel with the need for revenge from his story? Is there anything he hates?
- Story - what was his childhood like? What happened to cause him to be so optimistic, and in keeping with the question from last section, how does he keep these polar opposite qualities (revenge, happiness/optimism) both contained within him at once?
You don't have to answer all of those questions specifically, or even most of them, they're just examples of how you could potentially improve the profile to paint a stronger picture of the character.
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Rodey
Aug 5, 2015 22:27:22 GMT -6
Post by mythrilknight on Aug 5, 2015 22:27:22 GMT -6
sorry i new to this
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Rodey
Aug 5, 2015 22:28:07 GMT -6
Post by Nayru Al-Saiduq on Aug 5, 2015 22:28:07 GMT -6
No harm done! I'm just here to help you get acclimated to the place. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
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