Old Script for a Comic Book - Ardor
Jul 13, 2011 22:21:47 GMT -6
Post by Iorran (Tirion) on Jul 13, 2011 22:21:47 GMT -6
Once upon a time, I was keen on writing comic books. It's definitely still something I wouldn't mind doing. Anyway, I found this old script on my computer for a concept of a world where all the superheroes only concern themselves with the super villains. Therefore, any petty criminals and felons are left to the police to handle.
Unfortunately, this has led to the creation of the "Amateur Super Villain" a new class of villain that commits crimes and poses more of a threat than the police can easily handle, but makes sure they stay under the radar of the superheroes.
The main character is named James Walt. He works as a bank teller in Chicago, Illinois and trains in kung fu as a side hobby. He's fed up with the state of things. So, he takes matters into his own hands and hobbles together homemade gadgets and a costume. Along with his metal bo staff and kung fu skills, he takes to the streets of Chicago as the vigilante, Ardor.
So this script is the rough draft of the first pages of issue one. Let me know what you all think.
- - - - -
PAGE 1 - Five panel page. One row at top, a large square with two smaller squares next to it in the middle, and the fifth panel at the bottom isn't bordered and the images f the buildings in it continue behind the middle panels.
PANEL 1 - On a snow-covered rooftop at night in Chicago. Four thugs stand in the foreground with a fifth kneeling over the ledge to the right looking through the scope of a sniper rifle in the background. The appearances of the thugs don't matter too much; just make sure they're in winter clothing. One is holding a handgun (Thug 1) and looks worried.
Caption: Chicago, Illinois
10:23 pm
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) This is a pretty typical scene for this city.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Hey, guys. M-maybe we should hurry up, yeah?
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) The sniper's new, though.
PANEL 2 - Looking at the same rooftop, but in front of the sniper, now. In the panel, we can see the full moon in the sky peering though an opening in the thick clouds. The sniper is still peering through the scope of the rifle while the outher four thugs argue in the background.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 2) Oh, please. Don't tell me you're afraid!
Speech Bubble 2: (Thug 1) Naw, m-man. It's just f-freezing!
Speech Bubble 3: (Thug 2) Alright, good. Besides, them heroes only handle the big game these days. We're untouchable.
Speech Bubble 4: (Thug 3) I don't know, man. There's that new guy who --
Speech Bubble 5: (Sniper) Trying to concentrate, here!
PANEL 3 - Drawn as if we're looking through the scope of the rifle. Through the cross hairs we can see a window on the face of a brick building. The drapes are drawn to reveal a stocky looking man in a suit loosening his tie.
Speech Bubble 1: (Sniper) Hey! The target's in sight! Preparing to take the shot.
PANEL 4 - Same perspective as panel 3. Except, instead of seeing the window, the scope looks liek it's been covered by something.
Speech Bubble 1: (Sniper) Ugh. Damn scope turned off again.
PANEL 5 - We're now looking at the edge of the rooftop from a perspective to the right side of the sniper. Ardor is kneeling on the ledge as if he just climbed up it. His staff is on his back and will remain there until I mention him taking it out. His left hand is covering the scope of the rifle and the other hand is holding on the the ledge. Ardor's face is right in front of the sniper's resulting in a profile of both characters. Ardor is wearing a slight smirk under his cowl and the sniper looks surprised. In the background are Chicago buildings and a street that continue as far up behind the middle panels as seems appropriate.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) These hired guns can prove to be tougher than the usual crime fare.
Speech Bubble 1: (Ardor) A bit chilly for a roof party, isn't it?
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) But I'm no pushover, either.
PAGES 2 & 3 - A two page spread of an action shot. We're looking at it from behind the sniper. Ardor is in an action pose post-kick. His hands are hanging on to the ledge while his right leg is extended towards the upper right corner of the spread and his left leg is folded in. Ardor's face is showing effort as he kicks the sniper. The sniper is falling backward from the force of the kick and the rifle is spinning in the air towards the right side of the spread. An impact visualization is placed between the path of ardor's kick and the sniper's body with a "THOK" sound effect. In the background are snow covered buildings and a cloudy sky.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) I'm Ardor.
Speech Bubble 1: (Ardor) Too bad for you I like the cold.
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) I'm here to make things right.
PAGE 4 - Seven panel page. One row at the top split into two panels with the first panel being two thirds of the length and the second the remaining third. The middle has the third through fifth panels. The third panel has no border and takes up half the space in the middle. The fourth and fifth panels are equally sized rectangles that are stacked on top of each other. The final two panels are at the bottom and are the opposite of the top two panels with the first one being a third of a row and the second being two thirds of one.
PANEL 1 - We're now looking at the rooftop from behind Ardor. We can see the back of his head in the foreground. In the background are the four conscious thugs. The one with the handgun (Thug 1) is the closest to Ardor and the remaining three are getting ready to brawl. The thug closest to Thug 1 is holding a baseball bat.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Great. Another clown with a gun.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Speak of the devil!
PANEL 2 - An action shot of Thug 1 firing his handgun in a 2/3 view at the lower left corner of the panel. The bullet can be seen at the very edge of the panel with a smoke trail and the shell is flying out of the gun towards the right side of the panel. Thug 1 has a very confident and angry look on his face. If you want, you can put one of two of the other thugs in the background. Near the barrel of the gun is a "BLAM" sound effect.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Let's see what a wannabe's brains look like!
PANEL 3 - An aerial shot of the rooftop. Ardor is seen deftly jumping out of the way of the gunshot towards the sniper rifle now laying on the ground. The bullet hits the ledge, causing a small explosion of debris from the old brick. Thug 1 is still standing in firing position. Also on the rooftop, the thugs not holding a gun run towards Ardor.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) I've fired guns at the local firing range before...
PANEL 4 - A shot of Ardor's gloved hand grabbing hold of the rifle.
PANEL 5 - A shot of Ardor from his left diagonal. He's holding the rifle in firing position while kneeling down and sliding backwards with a "KRSSHH" sound effect and a dust could trailing from his feet.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) But I've never handled something like this.
PANEL 6 - We're now looking at the thugs. The one with the baseball bat is the closest with his face nearly in a close up. Behind him is one of the un-armed thugs (Thug 3). Both look startled.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 3) What the --
PANEL 7 - A frontal close up shot of Ardor holding the gun so he can look through the scope. Naturally, his right eye is covered by the scope and the other eye is closed. A "KERCHAK" sound effect is placed to the left of the rifle.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Okay. Breathe out as you fire.
PAGE 5 - Five panel page. At the top is one row panel. The middle is comprised of two panels and the top half of one. Panel two is a square panel that takes up half of the middle and panel three is a square that takes up two thirds of both the length and height of the remaining space. Panel four takes up half of the width of the middle, but also reaches into the bottom portion of the page. The bottom is another borderless panel.
PANEL 1 - A side view of the barrel of the rifle firing from the left to the right of the panel. The bullet is in panel with a smoke trail and a "KRA-KOOM" sound effect is placed near the firing effect.
PANEL 2 - Now we're looking at the thugs as they look at where the bullet wound up which happens to be the ledge behind them. The two in the foreground look as though they almost died.
PANEL 3 - A shot of Ardor's leg pushing off into a run. A dust trail is seen from his boot's sole with a "KFFF" sound effect.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) That distraction worked nicely.
PANEL 4 - Now we're looking at Ardor charging at Thug 1. Thug 1 is closest to the viewpoint and he's still looking at where the bullet hit. Ardor is charging at him from behind holding the rifle by it's barrel like a club.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Gotta take out the guy who's packing first.
PANEL 5 - Action shot from a similar perspective as the previous panel. Ardor is in post-swing and the rifle is a bit mangled from the impact. Thug 1 is reeling backwards from the hit with blood trailing from his nose and a few cuts from the glass in the scope breaking on impact. Some glass and plastic debris are flying in the air as is the now broken off scope. Near Thug 1's face is a large "CRACK" sound effect.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) AGH!
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) That oughta deal with him.
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) For now, anyway.
Unfortunately, this has led to the creation of the "Amateur Super Villain" a new class of villain that commits crimes and poses more of a threat than the police can easily handle, but makes sure they stay under the radar of the superheroes.
The main character is named James Walt. He works as a bank teller in Chicago, Illinois and trains in kung fu as a side hobby. He's fed up with the state of things. So, he takes matters into his own hands and hobbles together homemade gadgets and a costume. Along with his metal bo staff and kung fu skills, he takes to the streets of Chicago as the vigilante, Ardor.
So this script is the rough draft of the first pages of issue one. Let me know what you all think.
- - - - -
PAGE 1 - Five panel page. One row at top, a large square with two smaller squares next to it in the middle, and the fifth panel at the bottom isn't bordered and the images f the buildings in it continue behind the middle panels.
PANEL 1 - On a snow-covered rooftop at night in Chicago. Four thugs stand in the foreground with a fifth kneeling over the ledge to the right looking through the scope of a sniper rifle in the background. The appearances of the thugs don't matter too much; just make sure they're in winter clothing. One is holding a handgun (Thug 1) and looks worried.
Caption: Chicago, Illinois
10:23 pm
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) This is a pretty typical scene for this city.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Hey, guys. M-maybe we should hurry up, yeah?
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) The sniper's new, though.
PANEL 2 - Looking at the same rooftop, but in front of the sniper, now. In the panel, we can see the full moon in the sky peering though an opening in the thick clouds. The sniper is still peering through the scope of the rifle while the outher four thugs argue in the background.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 2) Oh, please. Don't tell me you're afraid!
Speech Bubble 2: (Thug 1) Naw, m-man. It's just f-freezing!
Speech Bubble 3: (Thug 2) Alright, good. Besides, them heroes only handle the big game these days. We're untouchable.
Speech Bubble 4: (Thug 3) I don't know, man. There's that new guy who --
Speech Bubble 5: (Sniper) Trying to concentrate, here!
PANEL 3 - Drawn as if we're looking through the scope of the rifle. Through the cross hairs we can see a window on the face of a brick building. The drapes are drawn to reveal a stocky looking man in a suit loosening his tie.
Speech Bubble 1: (Sniper) Hey! The target's in sight! Preparing to take the shot.
PANEL 4 - Same perspective as panel 3. Except, instead of seeing the window, the scope looks liek it's been covered by something.
Speech Bubble 1: (Sniper) Ugh. Damn scope turned off again.
PANEL 5 - We're now looking at the edge of the rooftop from a perspective to the right side of the sniper. Ardor is kneeling on the ledge as if he just climbed up it. His staff is on his back and will remain there until I mention him taking it out. His left hand is covering the scope of the rifle and the other hand is holding on the the ledge. Ardor's face is right in front of the sniper's resulting in a profile of both characters. Ardor is wearing a slight smirk under his cowl and the sniper looks surprised. In the background are Chicago buildings and a street that continue as far up behind the middle panels as seems appropriate.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) These hired guns can prove to be tougher than the usual crime fare.
Speech Bubble 1: (Ardor) A bit chilly for a roof party, isn't it?
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) But I'm no pushover, either.
PAGES 2 & 3 - A two page spread of an action shot. We're looking at it from behind the sniper. Ardor is in an action pose post-kick. His hands are hanging on to the ledge while his right leg is extended towards the upper right corner of the spread and his left leg is folded in. Ardor's face is showing effort as he kicks the sniper. The sniper is falling backward from the force of the kick and the rifle is spinning in the air towards the right side of the spread. An impact visualization is placed between the path of ardor's kick and the sniper's body with a "THOK" sound effect. In the background are snow covered buildings and a cloudy sky.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) I'm Ardor.
Speech Bubble 1: (Ardor) Too bad for you I like the cold.
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) I'm here to make things right.
PAGE 4 - Seven panel page. One row at the top split into two panels with the first panel being two thirds of the length and the second the remaining third. The middle has the third through fifth panels. The third panel has no border and takes up half the space in the middle. The fourth and fifth panels are equally sized rectangles that are stacked on top of each other. The final two panels are at the bottom and are the opposite of the top two panels with the first one being a third of a row and the second being two thirds of one.
PANEL 1 - We're now looking at the rooftop from behind Ardor. We can see the back of his head in the foreground. In the background are the four conscious thugs. The one with the handgun (Thug 1) is the closest to Ardor and the remaining three are getting ready to brawl. The thug closest to Thug 1 is holding a baseball bat.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Great. Another clown with a gun.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Speak of the devil!
PANEL 2 - An action shot of Thug 1 firing his handgun in a 2/3 view at the lower left corner of the panel. The bullet can be seen at the very edge of the panel with a smoke trail and the shell is flying out of the gun towards the right side of the panel. Thug 1 has a very confident and angry look on his face. If you want, you can put one of two of the other thugs in the background. Near the barrel of the gun is a "BLAM" sound effect.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) Let's see what a wannabe's brains look like!
PANEL 3 - An aerial shot of the rooftop. Ardor is seen deftly jumping out of the way of the gunshot towards the sniper rifle now laying on the ground. The bullet hits the ledge, causing a small explosion of debris from the old brick. Thug 1 is still standing in firing position. Also on the rooftop, the thugs not holding a gun run towards Ardor.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) I've fired guns at the local firing range before...
PANEL 4 - A shot of Ardor's gloved hand grabbing hold of the rifle.
PANEL 5 - A shot of Ardor from his left diagonal. He's holding the rifle in firing position while kneeling down and sliding backwards with a "KRSSHH" sound effect and a dust could trailing from his feet.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) But I've never handled something like this.
PANEL 6 - We're now looking at the thugs. The one with the baseball bat is the closest with his face nearly in a close up. Behind him is one of the un-armed thugs (Thug 3). Both look startled.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 3) What the --
PANEL 7 - A frontal close up shot of Ardor holding the gun so he can look through the scope. Naturally, his right eye is covered by the scope and the other eye is closed. A "KERCHAK" sound effect is placed to the left of the rifle.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Okay. Breathe out as you fire.
PAGE 5 - Five panel page. At the top is one row panel. The middle is comprised of two panels and the top half of one. Panel two is a square panel that takes up half of the middle and panel three is a square that takes up two thirds of both the length and height of the remaining space. Panel four takes up half of the width of the middle, but also reaches into the bottom portion of the page. The bottom is another borderless panel.
PANEL 1 - A side view of the barrel of the rifle firing from the left to the right of the panel. The bullet is in panel with a smoke trail and a "KRA-KOOM" sound effect is placed near the firing effect.
PANEL 2 - Now we're looking at the thugs as they look at where the bullet wound up which happens to be the ledge behind them. The two in the foreground look as though they almost died.
PANEL 3 - A shot of Ardor's leg pushing off into a run. A dust trail is seen from his boot's sole with a "KFFF" sound effect.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) That distraction worked nicely.
PANEL 4 - Now we're looking at Ardor charging at Thug 1. Thug 1 is closest to the viewpoint and he's still looking at where the bullet hit. Ardor is charging at him from behind holding the rifle by it's barrel like a club.
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) Gotta take out the guy who's packing first.
PANEL 5 - Action shot from a similar perspective as the previous panel. Ardor is in post-swing and the rifle is a bit mangled from the impact. Thug 1 is reeling backwards from the hit with blood trailing from his nose and a few cuts from the glass in the scope breaking on impact. Some glass and plastic debris are flying in the air as is the now broken off scope. Near Thug 1's face is a large "CRACK" sound effect.
Speech Bubble 1: (Thug 1) AGH!
Monologue Box 1: (Ardor) That oughta deal with him.
Monologue Box 2: (Ardor) For now, anyway.
