Let's Talk... [Valorian/Isabel]

[Isabel]

((OoC: This thread takes place after Past and Future. Seeing as said thread is still open at time of writing, please ignore obvious consistency errors. My crystal ball service decided to end, and I can't look into the future without it.))

After leaving that old fort and setting up camp so they could rest for the day, Isabel had set herself up beside a tree, and was currently happily munching on a piece of dried apple. Well... Happily wasn't quite the right word. The treat tasted of wood chips. With disgusting amounts of sugar piled on top. But she was still hungry, even after the rather good lunch of some kind of wild game and other delicious items of deliciousness. The girl shifted to her left, fidgeting against the side of the tree to relieve a mild itch. She considered taking out her tome, but found herself disgusted at the thought of reading it again. Isabel vowed to herself that she would take time out of their next visit to a town to visit a bookshop and buy some new reading material.

As she sat there under the tree and the late afternoon sun, Isabel was feeling relatively peaceful... And it was at this moment that she remembered that she wanted to talk to Valorian. She shifted again, uncrossing her legs, and reluctanty stood. No matter how uncomfortable the ground was, it was better than standing and walking. Isabel leaned back, feeling and hearing her spine crack with the readjustment, and then set forward. "Hey, Valorian!" she yelled. "I hope you have a better place to sit..." The last part she mumbled as she walked back closer to the little campground.

[Valorian]

Should he...? It was in the way, and if he really wanted to finally put his old life to rest...there was one thing left to do. But still, that had always been a place he forbade himself from ever going to...and to go now terrified him. He didn't know what to do, no that was wrong. He knew what he had to do, but he doubted it constantly. He looked at his own distorted reflection in the gem located in the crook of his staff, and frowned at the boy who looked back at him. This wasn't him...this was a disguise...because all he could do was hide from what he didn't want to face. Well that time was over, now he had to move on. And that meant atoning for his actions in the eyes of those he wronged.

And then a voice snapped him out of his trance, as he looked up to see Isabel approaching him. "Ah, Isabel. I'm not sure, I've grown accustomed to bad conditions." he explained, moving to allow her space to sit. "You said you had something you wanted to talk about before, correct?"

He was quite sure that she was going to yell at him about the way he'd talked to her earlier, and he couldn't blame her. he really deserved it after how he'd acted.

[Isabel]

"Yep." Isabel said with a slow nod, and, much quicker, sat herself down, facing the priest. "Originally, I was going to berate you about your just horrible response to my saving your life. She left that hanging for a second before resuming talking. "But you already said thank you. So that's one thing off the checklist. Next thing... I want to say that we're even, priesty; you saved me and I saved you. This doesn't, however, keep me from having newfound respect for you. Third thing. You and Jya..." The sapphire-haired girl trailed off there, hoping that Valorian would finish the sentence for her.

It would be nice to know if they guy who's leading you and the girl you've recently befriended were, y'know... 'Together', 'an item', etc, etc. It's just one of those things that would be nice to know. And even if they weren't in any kind of relationship, well... She could blame her thinking on curiosity.

[Valorian]

Valorian nodded at her first two points. "We may be even on a personal level, that is true. But...no, never mind." He waved it off, that was more she didn't need to know.

And then she asked about Jya. He felt his face burn slightly at the question he knew she was asking. "That's not a very easy question to answer. When I first met her, she was just a sick child. Stole to survive, a miracle she lived as long as she had. Clothed in rags, small and nearly skeletal, I pitied her. As we traveled, she got healthier in slow steps, she became not so terrified of the world around her, she grew. We split up in Laus over a year ago, and I saw her for the first time since then in that church. We were close but, I don't think she even realizes anything about personal relations. Like the level of ignorance that Calvin has. Complete innocent obliviousness."

He paused here, knowing he hadn't really answered her question at all.

[Isabel]

Isabel nodded. She knew what he meant... "So... You have feelings for her? You know, more-than-friends feelings?" she inquired, and almost immediately realized the complete idiocy of the question. You don't go around asking people that! Unless they're, say, you're best friend who you've known for seven plus years. "Sorry. I mean, I know we just met recently and everything... It's just that this is our first real talk since we met back in Amarillo." And then her attention turned to that bit he said before. "And what do you mean, 'personal level', and 'but' what?" The girl stared at Valorian with a glare that could have caused her younger sister, who had always been a bit on the nervous side, to become incredibly uncomfortable. Which meant it wasn't very impressive, but hey, it's what the girl could muster.

[Valorian]

Valorian thought about her question, the answer wasn't as easy as she likely thought it was. Her last question dug deeper, great, just great. Fine, he was going to come out about this eventually.

"I meant you and I are even if it only concerns us. But I still have a lot left to work off." He paused, taking his gaze from her to look off to the side. This would be the first person he'd told about that time...but it would give him the strength to do it again when he had to. "I'll be honest to you. I am not a priest, I'm not even of the church in any way shape or form. I started my life as an Anima mage, a long long time ago. I have through my own failings, willfully and by my own hands, caused the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of innocent people. It is for that reason that I will never be even, I'm just trying to do a little good in the world one bit at a time. The Heavens know I brought enough evil and sorrow to this world. I think..." He paused. "I do care deeply for Jya. But I know that one day my past will catch up to me. So before I can do anything, before I can let myself even think of it, I must set my past to rest. That is what I intend to do during this trip to Ilia. Also...I don't think I deserve it."

Another pause before he finished.

"You see. It was love that caused my fall in the first place."

[Isabel]

Isabel tilted her head slightly to the right as she listened to Valorian. So he had killed bunches of people? And... He wasn't a priest. Oh. Thank. God. Now she could resume despising them in peace... But back to the more pressing matter; talking to Valorian and... Helping in whatever little way she could.

"Valorian... You know, I've never killed anyone before today. He was an archer that Tara wounded... I could see the pain and fear in his eyes, you know. But I killed him because he would have killed me first." she said, remembering back to her talk with Jya. "What's the difference between one and one thousand? I'm sure that, if my adventure continues in this way, I'll rack up a body count myself. And... I guess I'm not going anywhere with that. Just... Valorian, you're a good guy. Wanna know why? Because you feel remorse for what you did in the past. You are not a monster. Put the past behind you, strive for the future."

Dear god that sounded cheesy.

[Valorian]

Only one who hadn't seen the tortures of war could possibly speak so softly. "You can't possibly understand Isabel. I froze a man solid in magical ice, and then shattered him to pieces. I smiled as I did it...I tried to kill the women I was in love with. I'm not alive because I think I can redeem myself, I'm alive because I don't deserve the peace of death."

"Valorian...hah. That isn't even my real name. I ran away, changed my name, dyed my hair, and discarded the magic tomes I'd become so skilled with, I was that disgusted with myself. But my power, this horribly tainted magic, can help bring an end to this war. What choice do I have but to do so?"

"But..." He said, letting it hang for a moment. "I am done being crippled by fear. I am going to the place where those I betrayed live, a city along the coast in Sacae. What will happen there, I cannot say, but I will put my past to rest there once and for all."

He glanced at Isabel. "I appreciate your attempts to cheer me up, but it is a forgone conclusion. I am a monster, I shouldn't even exist right now. Did you know you are talking to a man who has already died? I was born again inside that fort we just left. And no I don't mean that in some metaphorical way. I mean physically died and brought back."

Ok, now that was probably going to make her think he was crazy. Maybe he was.

[Isabel]

"But would you do that now?" the girl asked. It was a simple question. But could he answer it, and would she like the response? Isabel hoped she would. Valorian... Or whatever his name was... He was their little group's leader, as much as she loathed it... She had intended to lead this little group. It was only now that she noticed that she didn't actually hate Valorian for taking that place...

"Look... I'm not sure what you're saying, exactly. But... You say you were reborn? Maybe that's whatever higher power you believe in saying 'oh here, you have another chance to prove yourself'. And... I guess I'm not too worries about what you did in the past. Because I'm not travelling with the old Valorian. I'm travelling with the present one. Right?"

[Valorian]

Valorian stopped for a second...he'd died with so much left undone. He'd been brought back, and beyond any belief, had been freed from the control of that tyrant. He had, in effect, been given a chance to set things right. Come to think of it...

What evil had he done of his own free will? He'd intended to kill Kenshin, that much was true. He'd nearly killed Alan in their fight, yes that was so as well. But...he never actually did anything of his own accord. Still, it was his body, his memories, his feelings. His actions were controlled as if he was a puppet on strings.

"...You're right." He said, looking at her again. "A second chance should not be wasted feeling sorry for one self. I'm going to make things right...I'm going to that town to get some peace and once that is done."

He paused. "I'm talking to Jya. Life is too short, too precious, to waste it thinking about what was and what could be. Thank you Isabel." He looked happy, the first time anyone had likely seen the sincere emotion from him. "If there is anything you need, just ask, it would seem I owe you once again."

[Isabel]

Isabel smiled smugly as she realized that he was, once again, in her debt. That was a good place to have people; it meant you could get favors later down the road. But she genuinely was pleased to have helped him. Especially considering that he had previously seemed... Distant? Mysterious? But here he was just another guy... Maybe one who... Oh brother; let's not dwell on that right now. It didn't matter. But hopefully she would be able to count the... Sage? as a friend from here on out. Or at least more than an acquaintance.

"Hey, don't worry too much about. And I think you should talk to Jya. I think you'll make a cute couple!" she said with a laugh, and then realized she was being serious. "And... Hey, you know how it is. You're welcome. And... Don't forget that you owe me." As the girl stood up to go, Isabel flashed a smile that suggested her already plotting the best way to use the favor. "I think I'll go now; resume eating those sugary woodchips. And remember, I'm always around in case you want some intelligent conversation with another with arcane knowledge!"

And then she was off.