Cardin Redd

[Cardin]

Name:Cardin Redd

Class:Hunter
Age:15
Born in:Sacae
Appearance:Short brown hair, blue eyes. 5' 8". Usually dresses in a green garb to blend in whilest hunting.

Personality:Most of the time, he is very shy. Doesn't talk much. He tries not to interact with people much. When he is hunting/in combat, however, another side is revealed. Frankly, he goes insane at the sight of blood, and could almost be compared to a demon. He has control over this side of him most of the time, and it is fairly easy for him to calm himself.

History:Cardin grew up in a small village on the plains of Sacae, and was trained in the bow at a young age. However, when he was 9, his village was attacked and destroyed by bandits. After his parents were killed by the bandits, he took up his bow and helped the remaining villagers fend off the bandits. The blood he saw triggered something in him, causing the insane side of his personality and giving him an uncontrollable urge to kill. He afterward was banished from the village by the surviving villagers. They feared his new personality and saw him as a demon. After wandering for a few months, he was taken in by a mercenary, who began to train him in the art of the sword. However, before he could successfully take up the blade, his mentor was killed while on a mission. He now trains alone and takes on jobs to make money...

NPC fight:I took up my bow and scanned the battlefield for an enemy. An axe-wielder was closing in on one of my allies. I nocked the arrow and aimed straight for his heart. I pulled back, but accidentally jerked upward before i released. The arrow flew straight for him, impaling him straight in theneck. Luckily, the wound still proved fatal. As he bled, an urge to kill sprung up in my head. I couldn't control it. I leapt onto the battlefield, seeking my next kill.

PC fight:As I perched myself in the tree, one of my enemies began to close in on an ally. I took my bow in hand, held it up, nocked my arrow, and pulled back. I aimed, and released. The arrow flew straight for them, but it was slow. They could easily still dodge it, and if it hit the wound left certainly wouldnt be fatal.

[Donovan]

So, as a trainee, he wouldn't have the skill to kill a small group of bandits that were a large enough group to attack a village. If you can change that to more accurately reflect the skill level of a 15 year old kid, then we shouldn't have too much trouble accepting the app.

The other major problem is the fight segments. A hunter wouldn't have the skill to accurately aim and hit the heart of anyone, NPC or PC. They are very inexperienced and realistically, should not even be able to kill one enemy per post. Every combat post for a trainee unit should be a struggle just to survive, let alone kill.
And your PC fight, while generally fine, needs at least one major change. You can't say "There was almost no way he could dodge it." 1) That's technically God Modding. 2) A hunter with such low skill wouldn't be so sure of his skill as that.

If you can work in those skill level changes, the app should be ready to become active after that.

[Cardin]

So if i changed the age to, say, 20 or so, and made the class assassin, and edited the fight scenes and backgeound slightly, id probably good to go?

[Donovan]

No, if you wanted to make the class an assassin, you'd have to substantially add to the application to provide reason for why they're a prepromoted character.

[Cardin]

Ok ive edited a bit.

[Donovan]

That's better, just remember that generally, Trainee units won't be able to land fatal blows very often. Accepted.

[Donovan]

Please change your display name to that of your character name.